Why won't you tell me how you really feel?

The hardest thing about being in a relationship is being in one with someone who is unpredictable. You never know what this person is thinking, doing or even wanting to do. And they never seem to communicate anything with you they just leave you to either figure it out on your own or make your own assumption about the situation. I mean half the time you dont even know why they are mad and why they wont speak to you. And whether they realize it or not that hurts because you dont know what you did to make them just stop talking to you. You would think that after being in a committed relationship with him for almost 11 years that both of you would be past those types of games or as he likes to put it we're supposed to be "better than that". Maybe thats only true when it's me who has the attitude and doesn't want to talk. Either way when you have given your whole heart to someone you expect for them to give theirs as well.

Now we are at this stage where we barely talk to each other and when we do our conversations dont last any longer than 10 seconds. When we walk past each other in the hallway we scoot over just to make sure we dont accidentally touch one another's arms. and we dont look at each other. The one question that I have asked myself over the past couple of years is "how does two people who were madly in love at one point and couldnt live, let alone breathe without each other become these people who cant even stand to be in the same room with each other. And the truth of the matter is its not me. And yeah I know that's what everybody says, but it's really not me. I dont mind being in the same room with him. And to be honest my love for him has bever changed, but I refuse to be so caring and concerned about someone who is not caring or concerned about me.To some people that may seem childish, but when you've bent over backwards and forwards for someone to show them and prove to them that you love them and only them you finally give up on trying. Especially if no matter what you do this person is always throwing things up in your face saying that you dont care about them. When you know damn well if it were another girl in your place she wouldnt even stand for half of the shit you are taking.

I am tired of trying and I am tired of being the only one really wanting to talk so I say until he makes an effort to come to me and make me understand what he is thinking or going through for that matter then I am not going to put my whole heart into this relationship or whatever you want to call anymore. And to whoever said "Pain is love" that's BS. When someone loves you they dont want to even think about hurting you.